It's been a while since my little rant so i thought it wouldn't hurt to put some positive out there ( I don't know maybe the universe will notice) since my little rant about being sick I decided to really try and not let it take me over. I have been sleeping better and that has helped a ton, much thanks to my husband and helping me out so much. I am stretching a ton and plan to start yoga of some sort today, my doctor said it would really help. I take multi vitamins and fish oil every day. We switched to canola oil and am trying to eat more whole wheat. I stoped carbonated drinks all together right after thanksgiving and that has helped so much my muscles are not nearly as tight (not to mention I have lost over 10 lbs cutting carbonation) I can honestly say I haven't been one to really watch what I eat or how much I eat, but lately I have really focused on what I am eating and it has helped my muscles so much. I still have really bad days, but lately the good has out weighed the bad and the "letting go of stress" is so hard but when I do it helps too. The hard thing with fybro is my bad days are never the same they always get progressively worse so if I can keep them from coming as often it's a good thing.
To explain, say I have a bad day Monday (which basically means I wake up and feel like my whole body is being shocked from the inside out)(it sounds dramatic I know but its so true) and it lasts the whole day. My next bad day is not the same it's worse sometimes by a little some times by a ton. It is frustrating but I am determined not to let it take me. I am going to do my best and be the best person I can be.
Trent took me out on Saturday (dinner movie everything) and it was wonderful, we have been fighting a lot mostly because I am pretty grumpy but he is so great and keeps me going. We went out on a date and got a chance to re connect and talk for the first time in a while and it made me realize it is all worth it being a good wife and mom no matter what the expense.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
It is eating me
So I went to the doctor today to get a second opinion on the fybromyalga he ran every test, blood xray the works. Looks like it very well could be fybro, and I am ok with that I really am, you know what he said? Less stress more sleep! haha um right let me get right on that. The sleep thing I can get and I can fix but the stress thing ummm not so much. He did have some other solutions which are good but for now I am frustrated.
Basically the stress is eating me from the inside out. They say just let it go, so much easier said than done.
Not to bring up the last five years or anything but HELLO someone please teach me how to let go of the stress. My life is nothing but stress. I go to bed crying, I wake up crying. I try to get help and nadda. Yes I am whining and yes I am ticked off! But what else am I supposed to do? I have been on meds I have seen doctor after doctor I have been married TWICE good freaking hell when do I catch a break?!
I have no one, I am that girl that has been taken advantaged of since high school. And you know what I try to be mean and hard and it takes to much energy, so instead I am the nice girl that takes in everything and doesn't get upset in front of any one but behind closed doors I am dealing with so much my head is going to explode all I want to do is get back in bed. The only thing keeping me grounded and on course is my baby I have to keep my cool and do what is best for her.
Who ever is reading this please don't judge me this blog is just my way of venting so I don't explode, some times it makes more since when I read it instead of it all jumbled in my head.
Basically the stress is eating me from the inside out. They say just let it go, so much easier said than done.
Not to bring up the last five years or anything but HELLO someone please teach me how to let go of the stress. My life is nothing but stress. I go to bed crying, I wake up crying. I try to get help and nadda. Yes I am whining and yes I am ticked off! But what else am I supposed to do? I have been on meds I have seen doctor after doctor I have been married TWICE good freaking hell when do I catch a break?!
I have no one, I am that girl that has been taken advantaged of since high school. And you know what I try to be mean and hard and it takes to much energy, so instead I am the nice girl that takes in everything and doesn't get upset in front of any one but behind closed doors I am dealing with so much my head is going to explode all I want to do is get back in bed. The only thing keeping me grounded and on course is my baby I have to keep my cool and do what is best for her.
Who ever is reading this please don't judge me this blog is just my way of venting so I don't explode, some times it makes more since when I read it instead of it all jumbled in my head.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Is it ok?
I love my sisters, both of them dearly
I was ok when candice got married really I was
I was ecstatic when cara got her mission call 8 months ago...
Then cara became Sister Earl.... and the tears came
Is it ok to adore my sister and her decision to serve the lord but still be sad?
She left today and my heart is a little heavy, we have never been close but this last year something clicked and we are very close friends.... and then she left today..... Out loud I was giving her advice and helping her while she cried she was so scared of the changes...... inside my heart was breaking she is my "person" she always knows when I need a phone call or a text, if im having a good day or a bad one and if she leaves I have no one..... and then she left and I just feel sad and empty. How is it that I can support her 100 % no matter what but at the same time want her to stay more than anything? I think maybe I am just as afraid of the changes as she was....
She is getting a great opportunity and I am so proud of her
But I am so lonely already (is that weird)
Watch out New york
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Feelin Happy
Last night I spent the night cooking and normally that would stress me out beyond belief but for the first time in a while I felt happy while doing it. I wasn't getting a grade and I wasn't following instructions I just got to have fun and do what I wanted. I made dozens of cake pops and started on a pretty cake for my sisters farewell.
For the first time in a while I remembered why I'm going to school and why I chose to do what I am doing. I love making pastry's and cakes and making them all look pretty. Im not saying I am an expert by any means but its been a while since I had a minute to just have fun while I bake. (the cricut cake machine didn't hurt either lol)
School gets so stressful it is so hard , I think some people think I am just a lunch lady or something...... Have you seen master chef or hells kitchen? Ya chefs really do get on your butt like that. The one good thing is it is also a school, so chef j might get on your butt (but that's to help train us too) but she also teaches and gives you a solution.
Needless to say I was alone in my quiet kitchen and just felt happy with what I was doing it was a lot of fun......I actually had fun in my kitchen I can't help but smile.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Defeated
Today I was given a positive diagnosis of fibromyalgia, its hard not to feel defeated but it also i guess is a good thing it explains a lot of the problems i have been dealing with.
I feel like I should look on the bright side at least I know what it is right?
But sometimes I just don't want to I want to be upset and angry because I am so young and I'm sick of all the crap I have had to go through.
I just want to cry and be sad just for a minute. I am so angry and tired and dissapointed
fibromyalgia is such a hard diseas they don't know if I will get worse or how long I will be able to manage it. Im sure some people look at me like quit your whining, but when do I get to be upset and feel bad about some of the things that have happened. I don't care any more I just want to be sad and I do want to learn how to deal with it but for just a minute I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of people hurting me..... I just need to be sad for just a minute.
I feel like I should look on the bright side at least I know what it is right?
But sometimes I just don't want to I want to be upset and angry because I am so young and I'm sick of all the crap I have had to go through.
I just want to cry and be sad just for a minute. I am so angry and tired and dissapointed
fibromyalgia is such a hard diseas they don't know if I will get worse or how long I will be able to manage it. Im sure some people look at me like quit your whining, but when do I get to be upset and feel bad about some of the things that have happened. I don't care any more I just want to be sad and I do want to learn how to deal with it but for just a minute I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of people hurting me..... I just need to be sad for just a minute.
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