Stroke Stroke Stroke Breath

I saw a post somewhere a while ago and this girl talked about how when she would swim she was always taught stroke stroke stroke Breath

She compared it to life and motherhood, make it through each moment or day (stroke stroke stroke) 

Then take 5 seconds and Breath

today I have had a lot on my mind and for some reason that keeps coming to my mind

"stroke stroke stroke breath"

I found my self repeating it in my head and you know what it really helped to remind my self to breath I'm not sure why but I am going to try it again tomorrow just repeating those words.

stroke stroke stroke breathe

There are days that I feel like I need to refocus and step back and take a look at my life from the outside looking in, almost just re evaluate and I have decided to make a few changes 

The biggest of course probably going back to school but small changes too

Starting with Zumba tomorrow morning (early)

Its time to look inside of my self and regain me no more just sitting back and talking about it 

its gonna happen now.....

Bittersweet

I start school in about a month and yesterday when I went to sign up it really hit me that it was happening

Sure I am nervous and haven't been back to school in about 5 years

15 months is a long time but I can't say no to the opportunity

But I'm a little sad at the same time

Leaving my baby 15 hrs a week, I know it doesn't seem that bad and I know it could be worse, but when you spend 24 hrs a day 7 days a week with this adorable little person its easy to understand.

She does get pretty difficult I will give her that but she is my baby...

I haven't ever had to leave her and I feel so bad that I don't get to make her breakfast or snuggle in the mornings she gets to be with someone else (which I am grateful for too)

So I guess this will just be an adjustment in a way its bitter sweet

I never know what to do when she isn't around she is pretty much my right arm

Funny how you never thought you could love any one so much and then you have children and it is just unbelievable what you do for them and how much you love them.

I don't know what I would do with out my little girl.

I came across and new born size diaper sat on my bed and had a mommy moment (they actually do exist) 

She was so tiny when we brought her home I can't believe how much they grow in that first year.

So here's to my 2nd mommy moment of the day!

survival

Do you ever feel like you are holding your breath under water and are just dying to come up for air.

Today was one of those days and no matter what I did I couldn't kick it.

Amie showed up and helped me out a lot

its funny and something as simple as a hand can help you breath and enjoy all the little things again

thanks amie 

Mello has had a great day she is such a cutie pie and so happy I love being able to enjoy her instead of wondering when I will be able to breath

Oh the life of a woman haha

?

Spent the whole day watching reruns of Melrose place literally the entire day..... not sure why I'm so out of it and I don't even know if I'm sad some days it would be nice to just say to hell with all of it. But really what is all of it?things really aren't that bad. I don't know what is with me, I am really good at giving people advice you know like "just keep busy you will feel better" but lately I have the hardest time actually doing what I tell others pretty hypocritical I know. Hopefully this rutt won't last long. I keep saying once school starts but I'm worried it might get worse once school starts.

Oh well thats life I guess.

Been thinkin....

Do you ever have those days ,not necessarily bad days, but just days that you roll a few things around in your head? Here are some random thoughts of mine

*Put in avon order and I'm pretty excited to get it

*Family pictures this weekend and still have no idea what we are all wearing

*I seriously think baby M grew 2 sizes just in about 2 weeks, I couldn't figure out how I lost her clothes so I pulled them out and realized I had put them away because nothing fits! Crazy girl that's for sure. She is so tall.

*Some times I am the most un-organized, organized person in the world and it makes me nuts

*Tried frozen yogurt from Spoon me for the first time (do not like frozen yogurt) and LOVED IT now its all I can think about haha that and cheese cake!

*Starting school for the first time in about 4 years and I could not be more nervous even the goofy placement test I have to take has me freaking out, but its defiantly one of the best things I could do right now

so fingers crossed!

Random Random Random

Example

I high jacked my friend Amie the other day and we spent the day at the salon, we did lunch she got her hair done and I got my nails done, all with no kids (thanks to her awesome sisters)

I just have to tell you I think we all need a heart like Amie she never takes time for herself but will not even hesitate to step in and help others no matter what. She was getting her hair done and I have never seen such a smile on her but she was still thinking about her family and wondering what she could do for them.

We all need an example like my girl Amie she has shown me over the last year how to have unconditional love for EVERYONE. Amie you rock!

Bein a mom sure is tough but man was it nice to get out!

(cute hair and nails is always a bonus too)

Getting Older

Today is my awesome hubbys birthday and to be honest he has a hard time on his birthday, not sure why.

He doesn't seem to mind getting older and I think he keeps getting cuter and cuter. 

Isn't it funny how getting older bothers us some times? I haven't really had that problem but one thing I have a hard time is my baby getting older. She has so much personality I worry what will happen as she gets older haha

Any way I have a fun night planned for Hubbys birthday and so far today has gone very well. M slept through the night and played with me all morning. I cranked up the music and we danced for a while it actually wore her out so great!

Happy Birthday BABE!

Negative

Isn't funny how you always seem to see the negative - sign  every where, bank statements accounts receipts.

It is apart of our daily lives but not very often do you see a positive + sign. Or maybe we just don't see those at easily some times the negative is so easy to point out but the positive is right next to it.

for example: M is very fussy today - but that means I get to cuddle with her all day +

Car is out of gas -  just get to walk and enjoy the day +

One of my goals is to find a positive in the negatives. haha it sounds easy but really can be hard

Isn't that funny?

Mom

I woke up this morning with a "I want my mommy" kinda feeling. Everything that could go wrong went wrong today all before 9am.
M didn't sleep at all she has a few teeth coming in it was just a bad night. I always hate it when she doesn't feel good I hate that helpless feeling. Isn't it funny how in the moment it all seems so bad but if you are able to stand back and look at the "situation" it really is almost silly that your worrying over little things. That's what I am going to use this blog for. If I get over whelmed then writing it down seems to help me focus a little better.
So I got up and cuddled M she wont eat anything but milk lately and I worry about that too. Hubby went to work and its hard not to feel like when every one is having a bad day I drop everything but when I wake up not feeling good or need help no one notices, but in all reality what am i supposed to do tell him not to go to work and support our family? Being a wife and mom can be such a thankless job sometimes.
So I called my mom as a mom of 4 she always seems to know what to say. She doesn't try to fix it she just listens. Some days I wish I was still little and could just curl up until I feel better. She told me she knows what I am going through which was a nice reminder because she always seemed to look like she knew exactly what she was doing.
I got M to eat she was happier after that and after I talked to my mom, I sat on the floor and bawled my eyes out (for some reason crying is a good stress reliever for me) I was over whelmed and under appreciated (grrrr) it sure is hard some times.
Then I feel this little hand on the back of my head playing with my hair and her tiny arms wrapped around my neck and she threw herself into my lap and just giggled. If she only knew how much I needed that.
That my friends is what bein a mom is all about.
Don't get me wrong I am in no way ungrateful and I am very lucky but its easy to get frustrated some times so this blog will be my "have at it" kinda thing with the good and the bad.
Thanks for reading