better

It's been a while since my little rant so i thought it wouldn't hurt to put some positive out there ( I don't know maybe the universe will notice) since my little rant about being sick I decided to really try and not let it take me over. I have been sleeping better and that has helped a ton, much thanks to my husband and helping me out so much. I am stretching a ton and plan to start yoga of some sort today, my doctor said it would really help. I take multi vitamins and fish oil every day. We switched to canola oil and am trying to eat more whole wheat. I stoped carbonated drinks all together right after thanksgiving and that has helped so much my muscles are not nearly as tight (not to mention I have lost over 10 lbs cutting carbonation) I can honestly say I haven't been one to really watch what I eat or how much I eat, but lately I have really focused on what I am eating and it has helped my muscles so much. I still have really bad days, but lately the good has out weighed the bad and the "letting go of stress" is so hard but when I do it helps too. The hard thing with fybro is my bad days are never the same they always get progressively worse so if I can keep them from coming as often it's a good thing.
To explain, say I have a bad day Monday (which basically means I wake up and feel like my whole body is being shocked from the inside out)(it sounds dramatic I know but its so true) and it lasts the whole day. My next bad day is not the same it's worse sometimes by a little some times by a ton. It is frustrating but I am determined not to let it take me. I am going to do my best and be the best person I can be.
Trent took me out on Saturday (dinner movie everything) and it was wonderful, we have been fighting a lot mostly because I am pretty grumpy but he is so great and keeps me going. We went out on a date and got a chance to re connect and talk for the first time in a while and it made me realize it is all worth it being a good wife and mom no matter what the expense.

It is eating me

So I went to the doctor today to get a second opinion on the fybromyalga he ran every test, blood xray the works. Looks like it very well could be fybro, and I am ok with that I really am, you know what he said? Less stress more sleep! haha um right let me get right on that. The sleep thing I can get and I can fix but the stress thing ummm not so much. He did have some other solutions which are good but for now I am frustrated.
Basically the stress is eating me from the inside out. They say just let it go, so much easier said than done.
Not to bring up the last five years or anything but HELLO someone please teach me how to let go of the stress. My life is nothing but stress. I go to bed crying, I wake up crying. I try to get help and nadda. Yes I am whining and yes I am ticked off! But what else am I supposed to do? I have been on meds I have seen doctor after doctor I have been married TWICE good freaking hell when do I catch a break?!
I have no one, I am that girl that has been taken advantaged of since high school. And you know what I try to be mean and hard and it takes to much energy, so instead I am the nice girl that takes in everything and doesn't get upset in front of any one but behind closed doors I am dealing with so much my head is going to explode all I want to do is get back in bed. The only thing keeping me grounded and on course is my baby I have to keep my cool and do what is best for her.
Who ever is reading this please don't judge me this blog is just my way of venting so I don't explode, some times it makes more since when I read it instead of it all jumbled in my head.

Is it ok?

I love my sisters, both of them dearly

I was ok when candice got married really I was 

I was ecstatic when cara got her mission call 8 months ago...

Then cara became Sister Earl.... and the tears came

Is it ok to adore my sister and her decision to serve the lord but still be sad?

She left today and my heart is a little heavy, we have never been close but this last year something clicked and we are very close friends.... and then she left today..... Out loud I was giving her advice and helping her while she cried she was so scared of the changes...... inside my heart was breaking she is my "person" she always knows when I need a phone call or a text, if im having a good day or a bad one and if she leaves I have no one..... and then she left and I just feel sad and empty. How is it that I can support her 100 % no matter what but at the same time want her to stay more than anything? I think maybe I am just as afraid of the changes as she was....

She is getting a great opportunity and I am so proud of her

But I am so lonely already (is that weird)

Watch out New york